How to Ask Someone Out Without Being Weird

I feel like that sounds bad, but I am genuinely curious if there's some kind of nice way to go about asking a woman to spend the night with you. How would you guys recommend breaking that kind of ice?

I (23M) learned this from a woman I dated a while back. Strap in, because it's storytime :)

Once I dated a good looking party-girl who somehow stumbled upon me. She was obviously very confident, and we started chatting. I had a low self-image at the time and wasn't going to risk embarrassing myself, but to my surprise she was the one who ended up inviting me out.

While we were dating, she never once "asked" me out on a "date". Whenever we were about to part ways, she'd always suggest the next thing we were going to do (ex: "Let's go to 'X' place" or "You should come and do 'Y' with me"). She never really left it up for me to approve: she just knew that I'd agree to whatever she wanted to do next.

See here's the thing: she was not used to being rejected. I don't mean that in a bad way— quite the opposite. She was good looking and, subsequently, she was used to positive feedback from men. Therefore, there was a certain "automatic-ness" that was threaded through her words whenever she reached out to me. It wasn't forceful or rude— it was just assumed that I'd agree to whatever she wanted to do.

We ended up breaking it off after a few months (she travels for work), but I took that lesson with me. A week or two after we split, I met a woman at a park who was cute and seemed very friendly. I was nervous, of course, because I knew I was about to try what the previous woman had shown me but I wasn't sure if it'd work. I was trying to figure out how I'd ask her out when she started telling me about this lake in our city she likes to go to. Before I knew it, these words jumped out of my mouth:

"We should go there sometime!"

I was anticipating her smile to twist into a grimace, but to my surprise she said "Yeah, we should!" without missing a beat. Mind you, this is a pretty cute, in-shape college woman: clearly upper-class and the type of woman I could've only dreamed about dating years ago. She had just agreed to go on a date with me. Easily.

I actually dragged the conversation out a little longer because I just couldn't believe she sincerely agreed. I even did my best to give her an "out", but when I was getting ready to leave she insisted. In terms of her schedule she gave me the pick of the litter (she was free any day I wanted to go). We exchanged numbers and before I even got home she had already texted me about how it was nice to meet me.

Insanity. Like, this was the real deal. After years of being laughed at and made fun of by women (I used to be pretty fat back in the day), here I was picking up a woman I'd never met. A good-looking girl too. When we went out for our first date, she was eager to see me and we hung out until the sun went down. I was stunned by how easily I'd gotten her to date me.

Of course I had to try that again. So a few weeks later I end up chatting with another woman of a similar demographic (good looking, educated, in-shape, etc.), except she was taller than me. I'm not tall by any stretch of the imagination (5'8 on a good day) and she was pretty close to 6ft, so I was expecting her to shut me down pretty quick. We were having a decent conversation though so I decided to try my luck (using the same formula) and wouldn't you know— she said yes too. No hesitation, no excuses.

"You know, we should go to [hiking spot in our city] sometime."

"Yeah, that sounds fun!"

Who would've thought? No compliments, no confession of feelings, no pickup lines— just a suggestion. It sounds so simple and obvious, but it worked. I've been using this method ever since, and my success rate has easily doubled (if not tripled) from what it used to be (I've gotten about 5 or 6 dates so far off of maybe 7 or 8 attempts. Keep in mind it's a small sample size, but these numbers are drastically better than what they used to be for me).

One of my favorite things about this method is that it doesn't leave room for them to think about telling you "No". In my opinion, "asking" someone out is basically telling them to evaluate whether you are good enough for them. That, in my view, can suggest some level of insecurity: as if you aren't sure you meet their standards. Suggesting you both do something specific together communicates to them that you already believe you are good enough, and it doesn't put them into evaluation-mode (where they're a lot more likely to be critical of you).

Also too, it's much easier to work into a conversation, and it's much easier to recover from if they're not interested. All you need to do is steer the conversation toward some place they like to go or activity they like to do, which is very easy to do with both strangers and acquaintances. It's works well for subsequent date arrangements too.

There are various ways you can word it— these aren't magic words that have to be recited perfectly. I think the key things are:

• Framing it as a suggestion rather than a request ("Let's...", "We should...", "I think we'd have fun if we..." etc.)
• Being ambiguous about when. This relieves the pressure of them having to think about their schedule on the fly. Once they agree to the initial suggestion, then you can hash out a time/date— but not a moment before.
• Basing it on the conversation. If you can get them talking about something they like to do or some place they like to go, they'll take care of the first date idea for you and you won't have to worry about whether they'll like where you both are going.
• Saying it with mild enthusiasm. Your tone should be about the same as it would be if you found out they liked your favorite band or that they happened to be watching the same show you're watching on Netflix: you should show some level of genuine enthusiasm, but not so much that it sounds like it was the highlight of your week.

I'll admit that I was sad to let the party-girl go. She was a ton of fun, and made me feel super sexy by proxy of being with her. Even so, she taught me something that I'll never forget, and I'll have to get around to thanking her sometime. Hopefully what she taught me can benefit some of you as well.

Ask them for a specific date/activity. Like “Are you free Saturday? I was thinking of checking out the German Christmas fest and thought you might like to go with me.” Then if they aren’t interested they can just say they’re busy. If they are interested and are actually busy, the person will usually follow up with an alternative plan and/or ask for a rain check.

Be very very casual about it, say you had plans to go somewhere and ask if they’d like to come. Like asking a friend. If you get a no, just say no problem and continue talking. When it gets uncomfortable is when the other person senses your embarrassment and feels like they hurt your feelings. Your confidence and comfort with the situation are key to making the other person feel safe to say yes or no.

I see alot of cute people and i want to ask them out but it feels weird just ask that right out of the blue. Plus I lack the confidence to ask them. Any advice if any?

You definately need .ore friends first, because if she is your only friend, then its a very high risk situation, so to say.

If she did not make any advances towards you over the years, then she is not interested romantically in you.

I'd say dont do anything towards her yet, rather, work on increasing your circle of friends, find out what she finds hot, apply that to yourself, then wait for her to make the first move.

Oh, and do not shut yourself from other romantic interests

Offer them your number instead of asking for theirs. It puts them at ease of not having to directly say no if they don't want to contact you. If they're interested, they'll text/call you. If not, they won't, but they also didn't have to confront you on it. Has worked for me on several occasions.

The friendship ended already when you developed feelings for her, she just doesn't know it (yet). It's your choice: Either confess to her and try to get together or isolate yourself for some time to kill off those feelings so you can come back as a platonic friend again.

In spite of what the others here say, I've confessed my feelings towards two female best friend of mine, in my life. Both said no (one changed her mind 2 years later), and it didn't ruin either friendship. They both had figured out I liked them like that, anyways.

They are both awesome people, and I wouldn't want the fact I really liked them ruin having their awesome influence in my life, and I told them both so. I told them not to hold back on discussing their own love life with me and that, whilst sometimes it might hurt, I would be able to ignore that hurt, and over time, it would become easier to do so.

I was right, it became easier, and I never struggled with feelings of jealousy for more than a couple of seconds, and I was always able to be the close friend I wanted to be.

I always saw my friendship with them as a separate thing to the fact I found them sexually attractive, and wanted them to be my girlfriend.

Whether or not you'll be able to have similar experiences to me, I don't know, as I'm a different person to you, and my friends are different people to the girl you like.

Just want to provide a differing perspective. I truly believe that 'considering the friendship to be over as a result of your feelings' to be the path that leads you down a less happy life than what you could have.

Basically the title. I've been friends with a girl since childhood now. We've been each other's rocks for so many years. She's my one and only friend. But I think, no, I know, that I'm in love with her and want to be her forever.

But, I have seen friendships break due to one person asking the other out. If yes, it's all sunshine and rainbows. But if no, then it becomes very awkward and they lose contact, or don't want to talk to them.

Any suggestions?

See if there's a mutual attraction. There's a spark there. Coffee dates are perfect.

People make this way too complicated. Do you have mutual attraction or things in common? Just ask if they want to hang out sometime. If they're taken, they'll just tell you straight away (hopefully) If not, then don't over complicate it. Take a walk in the park. Less pressure. Asking someone out to dinner/drinks can come after you establish that you want more of a connection.

Am so scared to making the first step whats a way I can tell her by text

I swear they need to teach this stuff in school:

1. Never Ask Out a Person When They Are Trapped If you follow this rule, you will immediately be in the top 10% of humans in their book.

Do not ask when:

• you are working (duh?)

• they are working (hint: the waitress isn't flirting with you, it's her job to be nice)

• you are providing them a service (especially if you are AT THEIR HOUSE doing a job... it's threatening - you know their address)

• they are providing you a service (see: they are working)

• They are in public, specifically minding their own business (headphones, book, laptop... NO you're not entitled to talk to someone just because they left their house)

2. If You Followed the Above Rules, it's pretty easy from here

• Be specific early - I parallel this to a sales call - Convey what you want, quickly. Don't try to mind-game them with FITD/"successive appromixations"
• Don't make it sounds like an obligation "I bought ____, but... " best case scenario, it sounds like they're last resort or something.

"There is a ___________ happening on ___________. I think you're (positive adjective) and would like to {ask you on a date / hang out with you / see you again }.

• Now- as for being successful in pursuing someone, I'm going to deviate here:

DO NOT CONVERT TO "ball in their court". People give them their phone number and hope for a text. Or they'll only bring it up once.

This is NOT about "the chase", this is about consistency.

3. If You Really Think ...

A) they'd like the event - link them more details and have ongoing conversations about the topic.

B) they'd like you - start the date before the date ("do the job before you have the job"). You should be engaged in conversation (unrelated is better, since the date will be mostly about what's in front of you and getting over that cat meets cat discomfort) throughout the time between asking and the date.

C) you like them - See B^ Your effort in getting to know someone out-of-person (text, email, messages w/e) is TWO-WAYS. Fear-based dating goes like this:

"OMG THEY SAID YES, okay i better not mess this up, i just wont say anything risky or natural until they're stuck with me and then the sparks will naturally fly of course"

Abundance-based dating goes like this:

"I talk to numerous people without agenda. If I randomly come across someone that gives me vibes, then I ask them out and engage with them more often. If it doesn't work that's ok, because I talk to numerous people without agenda."

If asking someone out is stressful - you're not doing it enough. Everyone likes friends, just make sure you're being friendly and not transactionary.

"beep boop, cute girl, inquire date - date confirm - standby mode until SATURDAY at 2:00PM at COFFEESHOP".

OP, are you talking about just walking up to random strangers and asking them out? At least find a reason to have a conversation.

I’d would test the air first. Increase your flirting, touch their arms more, hug longer, ask them to dinner but pick a slightly more intimidate place and compliment them more. That way you can show the other that you are interested without jeopardizing the friendship. You can also see if the are receptive to your actions. Best of luck. Confidence is key.

So I’ve come to a conclusion that I’m too busy to commit due to the workload in university but I still want to have fun. So I reckon hookups or fwb relationships suit me more.

I live in a uni dorm but idk how to initiate a hookup. There’s a friend of mine where I want to try getting into a fwb relationship with, but I don’t know where to start. I don’t want alcohol to be involved. Do I straight on ask her “Hey, I’m bored, wanna come over for some fun? ;)” or “Hey, wanna have some fun sometime? No strings attached”. I know she’s into hookup culture cus she told me she slept with one of his guy friends.

Lastly, other than a blowjob in the past, I’ve never had other sexual experiences. I’m also very skinny and short. Do these matter?

How do I ask this amazing lady out, I'm really stressing out and need some good advice. 29m, have never asked anyone out on a date, hell, never tried dating due to a LOT of childhood trauma (thanks mom and dad). Have always been clueless to very obvious hints from women in my life, because I thought they were being polite. Always thought why would anyone be interested in a nerd like me. A cute girl literally wrote me a love poem professing her love, and I thought she wanted me to check for typos and grammar. Never realized why she bawled her eyes out the entire day. Yea I'm dense af.

So "making a move" has never ever crossed my mind (I don't even know how to make a move).

But there is this girl that I find absolutely amazing. Gorgeous, super smart (doing her phd), funny as hell, and we share a lot of common interests like cooking, gaming, and reading. We also have the same major in college. We just chatted casually for 2 hours playing at the sports facility, and I would love to get to know her more. But how do I ask her out, or what do I do in general. I'm really lost, but my heart thinks I should ask her out or at least try. She seemed interested too, or maybe really really polite.

Please help me out you lovely guys gals and nb pals🙏

I like to keep it simple:

Hey, are you doing anything this Friday? You down to grab some drinks?

No labels. No expectations. Not a big deal... We're just hanging out.

What you're doing is laying the foundation to create the ability of spending time together in person.

If its a good time, then sooner than later, I will repeat it but then attempt to put a label on it. Call it a date within a relevant timeline.

Then roll things from there.

I like stepping stones. First goal, is to simply hang out together without labels and all there is to it. If that works well, start mixing in the flirts, if that is hitting the mark, then go in for the date establishment.

That's exactly what inviting to a coffee is for, low pressure yes or no

"Had a fun time at the wedding. I remembered you mentioned you like X. I'm heading to an X event later this week incase you care to join." Puts no pressure on them since youre already going.

For some context I (30m) am rusty at the whole dating thing. The last relationship I had was in my early 20s then I just got busy with work. I recently met someone (28f) in a mutual friend's wedding whom I felt our vibes might have connected.

But I did not get any strong signals that they might be interested or were just being friendly since that was just the general vibe of the wedding.

I had met her previously 1 time for the first time in that same mutual friend's bbq dinner last year along with a few other people.

After the wedding we all exchanged numbers as a group and they created a group whatsapp because we planned to have breakfast as a group the next morning after the wedding before we all went home.

So now I have their number. But because a lot of our interaction was done in a small group settings I didnt really get a chance to be 1 on 1 with them and get a more definitive vibe that they might be interested.

I know that I might be seeing them again in the next bbq that our mutual friend might setup.

So for those more experienced at this. What kind of message would you send without any pressure and make it easy for them to say no?

It has been 3 days since then. How long is too long of a wait before its weird to connect out of nowhere. I know I am probably overthinking this since im rusty though.

Is something along the lines of "Hey, I had a really fun time chatting with you at X's wedding. Would you wanna grab a coffee or drinks sometime?" succinct enough and low pressure enough to be easy to say no to? If it matters we are both Asians and im pretty sure we are both on the timid personality side of things.

Hi, I’m a girl and I work front desk at a sports facility. There’s a coach who teaches one of our summer sports classes, and I’ve had a bit of a crush on him lately. We’re the same age, and we’re both college students—he goes to school in a different state but comes back every summer to work here.

Last summer, we talked a little and got to know each other casually as coworkers. Nothing major. But now that he’s back, I’ve noticed he feels different—he seems more mature, sweeter, and honestly I really like his energy this time around. We’ve been playing a bit of eye tag and making a lot of eye contact. He holds it, and I always get nervous and look away, but I feel like there’s something there.

Yesterday, he stayed after class for a little bit and talked to me casually—just small talk, but it felt intentional. I also saw him talking about me to another coach that’s our age, but I couldn’t hear what he said. I’ve been working at this job for almost two years, so I’m super outgoing and comfortable with most of my coworkers, but when it comes to him I get really shy. I’m also kind of shy when it comes to dating/relationship stuff in general.

We don’t really have a lot of chances to interact unless it’s before or after class, or if something comes up where I need to ask a question. My front desk is across from the field, so I see him often. Sometimes I go into the concession stand and he’ll “coincidentally” come in there around the same time too, but I’m not sure if that means anything.

Some of the other guys I work with have had crushes on me before, but this is the first time I’m actually interested in someone here, and I really like him. I’d be open to a summer fling or something more if it worked out, but I don’t want to come on too strong or make things awkward between us.

So guys—what can I do to make it clear I’m interested, without having to approach him directly? What kind of hints do you actually pick up on? I want it to happen naturally, but I also want to give him the green light to make a move.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Exciting stuff! Whenever you see her next, be honest that you really enjoyed talking to her and you’d want to continue the conversation. Very easy to pick something back up, “i wanna hear more about that marathon you’re running, if you’re down it’d be fun to go on a walk at this park and continue talking” something along those lines.

show interest when you’re talking, but also relax and know that it’s casual and fun getting to know someone! the less pressure you put on yourself for this whole thing, the better it’ll go. if she likes you, the most important thing is to continue being yourself

What you suggested is fine, if you want to put it out there with no pressure. Personally, I'd be a little bolder and say...

"Hey, I had a really fun time chatting with you at X's wedding. I'd love to get to know you a little better. Are you free for a drink on [day and time]?"

When I ask someone out on a date, I have a day, time, and place in mind.

I'll be honest--I don't think your concern of wanting to make it "easy" for her to say no is necessarily healthy or productive, both for pursuing something with her specifically, or for your dating life in the long term. It would be better if you were thinking along the lines of making something easy for her to say yes to.