Career Advice for Starting over at 31

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.

I guess I’m writing this is mostly to get it off my chest. If anyone can relate, or has any advice for me it would be appreciated.

So in a nutshell, I’m now 31 and I’ve lost everything. By everything I mean my mental health, my entire life savings, my home, and the love of my life.

Back in 2016, I had my own business. It wasn’t given to me, nobody taught me how to do it, it was entirely on my own. I had made 100k in a year, profit. Most of it was cash so I didn’t have to pay any tax. Don’t judge me.

I then invested in weed stocks right at the beginning, I doubled my money and held. Because my business died off because it was based on a temporary trend, I thought I would keep holding on until I made more. Long story short, the weed stocks crashed and I held until the end. Not only did I lose all my gains, I actually lost 97% of my investment. I had no money left.

Fast forward to 2021 January, after a few years working for $16 an hour I gave stocks another go. I studied hard, and found a secret strategy that would eventually make me 150k in 2021. It involved pink sheet stocks exclusively. Great right? Well in September 2021 the SEC implemented a new rule where basically all the trash pink sheets had to comply with stiffer rules or get delisted to the black market where they can’t be bought.

So guess what? I had to abandon my pink sheet strategy because all the stocks I would trade were no longer available to trade. So in 2022 January I figured I was ready for the big indexes. Little did I know we were about to face the worst bear market in history, I was also naive and overconfident from the money I had made.

One month after another, I lost 10k, then 20k, etc. By May 2022 I had lost 80k. I then realized if I filed my taxes I would owe 45k, and they would be basically all my money gone. Of course I believed I could make back my money, so held off on doing my taxes.

Fast forward to November 2022, I lost it all, through thousands of day trades. I thought if I stuck through I could turn it around. I really wanted day trading to be my lifetime career, I loved what I did for the first time in my life.

So I got a letter from the government, demanding I file my 2021 taxes. So I went to my bookkeeper and filed them. I then found out I owed 61k. Late fees included. By November I had lost almost everything and only had 10k left, and owed 61k. On top of the fact I had lost 140k in a year I was ready to hang myself. The only option I had was bankruptcy.

2022 was nothing but anxiety, depression, anger, and frustration. This of course, took a toll on my girlfriend of 6 years. During the whole year, she was there for me, she knew what was happening, she would do sweet small things like make me a healthy breakfast, force me outside on hikes, encourage me and show me love. She’s was sweetest soul in the world. And for the most part, I paid her back with neglect, because of my deep depression.

I think she ran out of mental energy after the end of the year. I also hadn’t given her a ring in 6 years, I would change the subject or shut her down when she spoke about kids and marriage. How idiotic of me, I realize now. Selfish I was. It hurts and pains me to think about hurting her the way I did.

In November she wasn’t herself, not being there emotionally or physically, I wrote it off as she’s just stressed like me. I confronted her late November in the middle of the night. And asked what was wrong, very long conversation short, she was done and wanted to pack up, move out and leave forever.

For 6 years she was constantly in love, treated me like a king, would kiss me, love me, and cherish me every moment. She was faithful, hard working, honest. She gave everything she had to this relationship and frankly carried it for so long. What she said really stunned me. This was not something I ever imagined she could even feel. I realize what I did wrong. In my worst times I forgot about the people who really matter.

So it’s January 2023. Starting the year off with 61k debt, barely $10k in the bank, moved back home with my parents, with no means of making money, no education, no skills, no career. I’ve spoken to the suicide line almost every week because I just don’t think I have it in me to be successful anymore.

My heart aches, and I feel a lump on my throat every time I think about her, how I hurt her, how I let her down, and the thought of me not being able to give her back all the good things she gave to my heart crushes me. I am covered in psoriasis, which I never had before, I used to be 200lbs jacked, I’m now 175lbs skinny, I used to workout 4 days a week, I haven’t worked out in 5 months.

I genuinely want to die, I feel like a loser at 31 living with my parents, I have nightmares about the amounts of money I’ve lost two times over. I could have bought a condo without a mortgage if I had saved it. My girlfriend went from being the most loving soul to being a complete stranger.

Sure. I could go work a labour job and make $25 an hour. But it would take me 4 years of full time work at a job I hate to get enough for a down payment in this inflated housing market. The average home where I live is 800k. And even then I’ll be 35.. pushing it a bit late to start a family.

To anyone who actually read this whole thing I thank you, and I hope you take a lesson from this. If you neglect those who love you, you may lose them, and if you have something good, nurture it and take controlled risks.

Thanks.

Hey everyone,
I’m reaching out to get some perspective, because frankly, I’m feeling a bit disheartened. I’m 33 years old, and lately, I’ve been hit with this overwhelming narrative—both online and through some initial job hunting/networking—that 33 is somehow "old" to pivot into a new field.
Here is what I don’t understand: looking at the retirement age, I easily have 30 to 35 years of work left ahead of me. That is more than the entire span of my life so far.

How does it make sense that the job market treats someone in their early 30s like they are past their expiration date for a career change?

Is it actually this brutal out there, or am I just getting caught in an echo chamber of negativity?

Why is the market so resistant to career switchers who bring maturity, soft skills, and transferable experience, preferring to view them as "starting late" rather than "starting fresh"?

For those of you who successfully reinvented your career in your 30s (or later): how severe is the ageism, and how did you overcome the hurdle of being seen as "too old" for entry-to-mid-level roles in a new industry?

I’d love to hear some honest insights. Thanks.

May be a long one, but I need to give the details. I understand if this is too long for some people.

When I was 21, I had a mental health breakdown and dropped out of college with three classes left. I was the epitome of a loser for two years (no job, no school) until my dad yelled at me to get a job. In those two years, I foolishly isolated myself from the few friends I had due to embarrassment about my life. Eventually, I finished school (accounting degree) and got a job. I manage accounts payable and do some rudimentary cost accounting.

The only reason I got the job was due to nepotism since my dad used to be the CFO there. I didn't even have to interview.

Financially, I'm doing ok for 31 (though I've made utterly foolish mistakes). I have $175,000 in my 401k (we get 25% vesting immediately for our profit sharing plan). The dumb part is I sunk $100,000 into a loser stock which is down 50% (I kept averaging down to chase losses). I should have listened to my dad's advice and dollar cost averaged into index funds. This is a mistake I will remember for the rest of my life and will never make again. Thinking about how much I would have if that $100,000 was in index funds makes me shudder.

I have $37,000 in ethereum and am up $8,000. I also have a little over $100,000 in cash and will get a $25,000 bonus next Friday. The reason I have this money is because I still live at home. I paid no/reduced rent for a long time (though it is higher now). My dad no longer lives here so I'm technically on my own, but it's still my childhood home. The money I have feels fake since I have it simply due to being shielded from the cost of living. I make $27.50 an hour, work lots of overtime, and get a $25,000 bonus at the end of the year. This is not much money on the coast of California with the cost of living.

Now this is where it gets bad. I spent my 20's (after I got out of my jobless rut) working and lifting weights, not much else. I lift weights every day (too much, I know, but at this point it's a habit). I have one friend who I see once every two/three weeks. We lift weights and then walk trails together and talk about life. I love this, but I want more friends. I don't think I'll find them on the central coast of California though. I live in a small, nothing little town where no one my age is. I have to drive on highway 1 for roughly 15 minutes to get anywhere.

I've never had a girlfriend. I'm not grotesque by any means. I'm 6'1, have a nice physique, blonde hair (though a slightly receding hairline that I use HIMS spray for which has helped). I've even noticed girls looking at me as I'm out and about in daily life. But I will admit I am desperate (and shy), which is bad. I used to be pretty religious in college so I didn't have sex, though I did have the opportunity, I decided not to.

There's a pain I cannot put into words that I spent my 20's largely isolated and just working. Not having experiences. Not dating. Not having a large friend group. I had a few family vacations but that's about it (I'm on great terms with my family and have 3 older sisters and two brother in laws I get along with).

I'm looking for cost accounting jobs and have talked with recruiters, but so far have had no luck. I want to move to a big city and try to meet people my age and date, but the no job luck is the main impediment. There have been countless rejections on linkedin. Obviously, I'll no longer be able to save a meaningful amount of money once I move.

I have days where I believe I can do it. Where I believe I could go to a big city (or an area with more people in general), put myself out there, make a couple new friends. Have a girlfriend that progresses towards marriage (I fantasize about being a loving, tender husband who cares for my wife). Maybe join an exercise class or a martial arts club (I used to have a black belt in judo 11 years ago and did some jiu-jitsu, karate and muay thai as well).

But most days I feel truly hopeless. I realize how difficult it is to make new friends in your 30's, especially as a guy. My mind rushes to a going on a few dates with a girl, then her delving into my past a bit more and seeing me as nothing but a giant, walking red flag.

"Do you have a group of friends? When was your last relationship? When did you move out of your childhood home? Why did you graduate college so late?" This scenario has played in my mind hundreds of times.

When I think about this, a nasty pit of despair rises in my stomach. I realize I'm that red flag guy and that the one thing I really desired in life, a wife and a family, won't happen. Then I fast forward to being a lonely old man in my sixties. Then I feel like nipping it in the bud and ending it all. I wouldn't have the courage to do it, but I just feel like not existing.

My family and co-workers have no idea of the despair I feel most days; they are oblivious. They think I'm a fine, young man since I'm the first to the office and have a good attitude and have done so for 7 years. My dad tells me I should stay until March/April because I'll get another $23,000 into my 401k, but staying that long feels like torture. I may be forced to stay since the job market is crap right now. Then I'll be halfway to 32 and still here.

My dad tells me I could buy a house in the Midwest, but I don't care. I don't care about having a house if I don't have a wife and a social circle and it's just me, myself and I.

I've realized the fruit of my actions have caught up with me; the severing of a few friendships at 21, the two years of joblessness, living at home too long, not dating, not getting my CPA, all of these things have caught up with me. Now I'm that 31 year old living in my childhood home. I feel so hopeless most days and no one knows.

I truly feel like my actions/isolation have screwed up my life in irreversible ways and I'm just now realizing it too late. Please don't mock/scoff at how I feel just because I have an ok amount of money.

Has anyone moved somewhere completely new and gained a social circle and girlfriend at 31? I'm looking for a light at the end of the tunnel and don't see it.

Edit: Thanks for all the thoughtful, encouraging words, and yes, even the tough love, which is needed.

I'm fully aware that this won't happen on its own and will take concerted effort and scary leaps on my part.

I have a call planned with another recruiter in January and will intensively start looking then. I'm looking forward to Christmas with my family.

You have also made me realize that being physically fit, having some financial stability, and being on great terms with my family/siblings is something to be thankful for. I just need to fill in the other holes, and that more than likely means I need to move somewhere else and be around more people (and making effort!) to do so. I've wanted to get this off my chest for so long.

No family and almost debt free. I was unemployed for a year and a half, but finally managed to crawl out of a hole and get a job. I work a front desk at a doctors office. I tried the medical field when I was younger and I do not like it, but the experience is the only thing that landed me this job. I have very low rent and the opportunity to pursue a career, but everywhere I look everyone says their career field is terrible and everyone just recommends nursing or trades. (Except the nurses or tradesmen)

So now I’m here begging the question if you had to restart your career over at 32 today what would you choose?

Edit: I’ve noticed people asking what i like and want out of life. So I’ll answer here.

I know little of what I like, but I know what I don’t like. I do not want to work in trades and I do not want to work in the medical field.

I want to be able to own a home, have a family that I’m able to support and time to be able to spend with them. If I can do those things I’ll be able to tolerate whatever I need to. At 32 I feel like like it’s too late for me to have that anymore by starting from the bottom so I came here hoping that mindset could be changed.

I went back at 40 to become a nurse. I never would have been ready when I was younger. I work ER now and love it. It is okay to reconsider something you ruled out in the past!

I'm in my 30s and often wonder if I'd make the same career choices if I could do it all over today.

Would you stay in your current profession, start a business, or learn something completely different with AI, changing job markets, and new opportunities appearing every year?

What career decision would you like to have made earlier and what advice would you give your 30-year-old self?

I changed careers at 48 and am doing better than I ever have.

I switched form dentistry to managing an NGO at 41. I make less money now, but I'm much more fulfilled. Looking back, I think I could only do this job after reaching this level of maturity. If you know what you want, don't wait until everything perfect. Tailor your resume for the position you're applying for (there's a free gpt prompt in this post if it helps), keep studying while you work, and just start applying, You'll probably get something.

I’m 30 and have worked as a medical assistant for almost 10 years here in California. Healthcare is pretty much all I’ve ever known.
Tried nursing school but the commute was too much and I couldn’t continue making school payments at the time. Now I’m at a crossroads and wondering whether I should continue building a career in healthcare or make a complete career change.
If you were in my position, would you stay in healthcare or pivot into something else? If you’d switch careers, what would you choose and why?

At your age I started Nursing school. Best decision in my life.

At 42, I am finishing Medicine. I am about to graduate from medical school next year. It's not easy but it is worth it.

I come from a very poor and dysfunctional family. When I was young I worked in several places for the minimum wage. No regrets.

No family almost debt free. I was unemployed for a year and a half, but finally managed to crawl out of a hole and get a job. I work a front desk at a doctors office. I tried the medical field when I was younger and I do not like it, but the experience is the only thing that landed me this job. I have very low rent and the opportunity to pursue a career, but everywhere I look everyone says their career field is terrible and everyone just recommends nursing or trades. (Except the nurses or tradesmen)

So now I’m here begging the question if you had to restart your career at 32 what would you choose?

Project management is a solid skill that cuts across every industry.  If I was starting over at 32, I'd go that route.  And I'd focus on projects that involve a lot of travel. 

If I could do it again and start over at 32 I would find something that still had a pension and get into that. Even it meant starting completely the bottom it would’ve been worth it.

I remember old heads talking about how important it was back then, but it just was falling on deaf ears at the time

15 min down HWY1 in central ca isn't exactly middle of nowhere. Make an effort to drive that extra little bit and start engaging in activities in those towns. You literally have more money and time than you know what to do with. Go to events, meetups, bars, etc. Don't just hole up in your house saying everything is too far

You arent too old. I interviewed a lady yesterday who, while I dont know her age, she looked early 30s and was interviewing for an entry level role that I would have to train her entirely for. She had bags of enthusiasm and experience that was indirectly relevant so I am going to hire her.

You will need someone to give you a chance and have a clear idea of what you want to do but it certainly can be done.

I'm looking to shift to a career where I can make more money and the job I trained for only required a certificate and allows no growth. My job is in Healthcare and I want out.

The fact I have no formal education makes me feel really behind and am wondering if any of you have experience with starting an apprenticeship in your 30s? It would be a big pay cut at first and that makes me nervous. I'm interested in plumbing, but nervous with the pay cut it would be the wrong decision.

Hi everyone!

I’m 35 and have worked in animal care for over a decade. My college degree is in television production because I had a lot of wild dreams 15 years ago, so it’s basically useless. My job is generally not considered specialized (I’ve been doing mainly dog daycare, but only at daycares connected to full animal hospitals) but I’ve kept at it because I enjoy it, and I scrape by well enough after 6 years at my current hospital. I’ve always known it wouldn’t be sustainable, but the longer I’ve kept at it, the harder it’s become to figure out what else to do.

Our practice manager was just let go, and it’s more than time for me to move on. But my resume is just 12 years of dog care, and there simply are not similar jobs who will pay me what I’m currently making (and I don’t make much to begin with). I know I’m going to have to find something else, and I know it’s going to be a situation where it’s Just A Job that I won’t really have enthusiasm for.

Does anyone have any advice on where to even start? Even entry level jobs want you to have experience, and they all pay as if you’re 20 and still live at home. My experience is so niche. I’d love and appreciate any suggestions on what kinds of jobs to look for.

At age 31 I had zero education and 2 young kids at home. I was so sick of retail and food service, I couldn't take it. I was mostly a stay at home mom and I hated it.

So yeah, I started over at age 31! I've been in my career for 6 years now and I'm so happy. It's never too late to live your best life.

You'll be fine man. You've been an adult for the same amount of time as me. About 10 years. That is absolutely nothing compared to how much time you have left.

I lost my job of 17 years last May. I started when I was 14 and worked every position until I ran the place. When it shut down I had no education and no friends because all my ones from high school had moved away or gone on to hard drugs. I do have a wife who I love more than anything, but it's hard to appreciate that kind of support when you are no longer able to provide as a husband. We had planned on getting a house, having kids, and all of that was pulled out from under me because of this setback. I cannot tell you how alone I felt through all of it.

But like I said earlier. I'm 32. I've only really had my own life for maybe a decade and plan on having another 5 or so before I kick the bucket.

It might be a bit harder for you to see it this way since you're already comfortable financially, but (after a lot of depression) I see this as an opportunity for something totally new. I'm halfway through a college program. I'm hoping to get a new job where I can meet some new friends. And after that hopefully we'll have a kid (although we're not actually sure if that's possible, if not we'll plan a new adventure).

You have so much time left, man. You'll meet someone and have a great life. Don't think for a second that what you're going through now is going to stick around. Nothing in this life is permanent.

It's all a crapshoot. I've worked different industries and have learned most problems are the same every where. And how people deal with said problems is up to their emotional intelligence/what they dealt with before.

I'm working the easiest jobs I've ever had right now and it cracks me up what people complain about. But people who like to complain will always find something.

Make a list of what you want most from a job. 10 things. And look that way. It could be anything that you want from a job. Build your ideal environment and look for work that fits that. Examples

-I want to make X amount of money

-I want 3 weeks or more PTO

-I want to work 4x10s

-I want to be home by 3PM

-I want to get paid to travel

-I want a 30 minute commute

-I want an hour long lunch break.

-I want tuition reimbursement

-I want a desk job or i want to move around

People shift their identities their entire lives. Start making small changes NOW. If you feel that your career would advance (and tbh it sounds like you’re working a good job now), then get your CPA. If you’re tired of living at home, find an apartment - you don’t have to buy a house to not live with your parents (and really, it sounds like this may be the best first step). Get some experience living on your own while you are still close to your safety nets. Next, start doing more social activities just to be social. I guarantee that if you approach a woman with the sole intent of “making her your girlfriend” you are going to get shut down. Learn how to meet people for non-sexual relationships. No one has their life together at 31, or even 42.

Trades like plumbing or electrical or HVAC. Commercial is where the need is.

Got licensed for a new career in January of this year and started that new job in June, just before my 33rd birthday. It's awkward that my superiora are my age/a year younger, but I also relate to them more. There's also a guy that is significantly older than me, who is also brand new and training. He retired from his tech job and joined my company.

I make literally half of what I used to and I'm in a training program for a while, but yea. I'm doing it now. You aren't alone!

Do not limit yourself to finding a new and more lucrative pathway forward because you're in your 30s or 40s or 50s...

You currently have significantly more years left to work than you've currently had in professional employment.

My advice is to carefully review this particular path/career you're looking into now - look at the current market state, and also read up about any future forecasting on this particular role/industry, particularly if it's a narrow path. Get an idea whether this role is looking to be changed/down-sized in future markets, is there an emerging aspect to the role/specialisation you can ride the wave of early? (I'm in tech and those are things to heavily consider as the market and demands are changing rapidly at the moment, ao this may not completely apply to your field. But try to have a sense of future need for the role).

Hype up the customer service and organizational aspects of it on your resume. If you’re still interested in working with animals maybe look at nonprofits and rescues/shelters with the aim of moving in to logistics or volunteer coordination. If you switch industries completely, highlight whatever transferable skills might work in new field - you certainly had to remain calm under pressure in a healthcare like setting!